I'll be out on a patio (or patios!) with enthusiasm on May 15th

I wear a mask all day at work, I wear a mask into stores. I wash my hands a lot more, sanitize my hands in my car after going into most public places. I don't wipe everything down that I purchase with disinfectant wipes, I mostly forget to take and leave my shoes off outside my apartment.

I shop WAY less frequently than normal, I walk alone (always). I do not wear a mask outside.

I have not been inside my parents house since March 22, that was also the last time I saw my mother in person. I have had driveway "pops" with my dad two times since the stay at home order was put in place. I started a new job and couldn't shop for new clothes so I wear the same shoes to work everyday and one of the same two sweaters everyday.

On April 13th I hugged four people (no one got sick and no one died after). On Tuesday, April 28th I took a housewarming gift to a friend's new home. Got the tour, shared socially distanced beers in the kitchen.

Everyone is talking about how "we're in this together" and "we're all going through the same thing" and no: no we're not. I 'stay at home' by myself: no pets, no partner, no patio or balcony, no house to work on, no yard to work in, no balcony to sit on.

I don't want to do Zoom dinners, I hardly have the space in my one-bedroom apartment to set-up my laptop for Teams meetings for work.
I don't want to talk about how much it sucks: it sucks.
I basically want to do nothing and most often, as much as I enjoy walking, it is a real task to even do that.

I'll be out on a patio (or patios!) with enthusiasm on May 15th and I have friends that will be with me and so many of us are afraid to admit that or to admit we're excited and that is sad.

I get that people are still afraid, I can't say I'm not. I respect the decision to stay home and I am going to continue to be truly cautious but I am going out.

It's getting more and more controversial - restaurants and bars saying they're keeping their customers and staff in mind and not opening until June (I respect your decision to delay opening) but let's be honest, what some folks are really waiting for is for others to open and see how it goes. Let the "others" open first and see how it goes, it's at least part that in some cases (not all) and I know and love people on BOTH sides of the bar/restaurant business and respect them all. It's fine to delay your opening but please don't try and make others look and feel bad because they are not. In the end, lots of folks will have the luxury of learning from other people's mistakes and there will be mistakes and changes and adjustments and that's fine. It's all new, there will be a learning curve.

And lets stop demonizing people like me and my friends who might be weathering the same storm but are on different islands or are in different boats and are trusting in our Governor (that everyone trusted until he said something they disagreed with) and our leadership and are seeing the state of the economy; our own and that of the greater community and know that something has to give and at some point we have to try to get into our new normal.

Maybe if our fellow countrymen weren't so ignorant as to be bringing semi-automatic weapons into statehouses to fight for their right to get a haircut and people weren't pissing their pants about wearing a mask at Costco (go 'Merica) and maybe if more people actually understood the rights of privately owned enterprises and understood that yes, yes: You Tube or Facebook or any other non-government outlet can actually delete videos and comments and posts and no, that is not actually a violation of your first amendment rights. Maybe if some of that weren't happening, it might seem less fearful. It (opening up our economy and getting back out there) might seem less scary because we'd know our fellow citizens had our backs and could weather wearing a mask for 30 minutes at Target, even if they don't believe they help - just to be a good neighbor and reassure others you respect them and want as many people as possible to come out of this unscathed.

We can't all stay home forever. Maybe if we lived in a country and had a government that was set up to support us better: medically and financially and otherwise. Most folks against the openings coming up have no answer for when it will be or seem or feel safe and that's ok. All of this is unknown and scary and changing. I hope you don't have to leave your home until you are comfortable, I hope your unemployment stays in place until such time you feel it is safe enough to go out again and/or that your employer allows you to continue to work from home if that's what you need.

What I think (know) is that people are crazed and depressed and struggling and the risk to themselves and others (sadly) pales in comparison to their current, new reality. I don't think most people are ignoring the fact that their exposure to more people means even someone continuing to self-quarantine/stay at home is impacted (yes - I know there are plenty of idiotic morons out there, I'm not talking about them right now), I think most people know and are sad but also they need to get out, they need to be around friends, they need human touch, they want a hug. I don't think most folks are selfish or uncaring or ignorant, I continue to think that they are simply in need (see above).

Also - people are suffering financially.

People are desperate to save their businesses which includes their own livelihood as well as the livelihood of others. They've been working on safety measures in their minds for four+ weeks.
SBA money:gone
PPP money: gone.
People are desperate to pay their bills, reduce how far behind they are becoming financially and desperate to feed their families

Tens of thousands of people (many of my friends and myself included) are desperate because they have not received ANY unemployment, have NO INCOME and for god's sake: the application for unemployment for 1099-ers isn't even available to begin the process. Sure: when and IF people begin to receive unemployment they're supposed to be getting an "extra" $600/week. Know what? Most of my friends eligible for unemployment have had major problems navigating the unemployment application process and have received NO money. My few friends that have actually started to receive unemployment; don't know one (they may be out there) receiving the "extra" $600/week. And it's not EXTRA for many. Remember, unemployment only provides a percentage of a recipient's income (roughly 50%) so for many folks this will come close to making them whole, some this will be an increase and some still a net loss.

I am so glad (truly) for my friends that have a financial buffer, have some savings, even have a retirement account to pull funds from if necessary. But I don't have that and lots of my friends don't have that. I have plenty of friends that are going further and further into debt: can't pay rent, can't pay utilities, borrowing money from family and friends (I'm right on the cusp - I just-just made it until my first paycheck from my new big-girl job). Thankfully I have friends that have my back. There are many, MANY people that don't have family or friends to give them a financial (albeit borrowed) boost to help them and their families. People are waiting in lines for HOURS to receive a week's worth of food from food banks. Sure the argument may be: what else do they have to do (saying it here because I've sadly heard that) but can you imagine the anxiety and angst of having to sit in your car for hours and hours just to feed your family a handful of meals? That's reality.

The virus and its' threat is real. I get it, I do. I take precautions: reduced shopping, increased hand-washing, shoes in the hall, hand sanitizer in the car, six bags of groceries on the floor because all I wanted to touch was the food that needed to be refrigerated or frozen and allow the rest to sit for a day or two (or 21 as it is now with some of my groceries) in the hopes the virus dies before I touch those items. Then I lost the motivation to put them away so I constantly maneuver around shopping bags all over my apartment floors.

I don't want to get sick, I don't want to make anyone sick but I am sick and tired of being alone, sick and tired of no physical contact for weeks.

I'm also sick and tired of the judgement and the hate and the paranoia and the controversy and non-belief and those that fail to take any precautions and the list (sadly) goes on and on and on.

I'm going out May 15th. I'll be with friends. Join us or don't but it'd be cool if you'd stop being so judgmental about responsible people taking all the precautions and then choosing to engage in the legal and structured re-opening of our broken society and our severely damaged economy.

If you're choosing to head out on the 15th, the 21st and behind, please do it responsibly. Follow with care and consideration and respect all the new orders and rules that are in place. If you're sick, or feeling off, as much as you may want to go out, please stay home. Bring a mask, wear one whenever you can, between sips, when you are interacting with your server or bartender. Be excited but be courteous and respectful and please TIP.

Cheers.
Stay well friends.

#stayathome #covid19 #inthistogether #economy #open #fear #caution #drinkswithfriends #patio #samestorm #differentisland #differentboat #judge #judgmental #precaution #maskon #mask #becalmandwashyourhands #washyourhands #staywell #cheers

Random thoughts and tidbits 20200410

You'd think given my schedule since my last day at work in December (I don't even remember the last day I was at my job at the zoo, it was the week of Christmas) I'd be all caught up on responding to texts and my email in-box would be all cleaned up. My google photos should all be organized and shared where appropriate, etc. My apartment should be spic 'n span clean and well organized and all of that fun stuff.

Not so much.

January, February and most of March was spent scrambling to make ends meet: essentially working six part-time jobs: pet-sitting, cross-guarding, Taco Tuesday at one bar, scrubbing floors at a bar Wed, Thrs, Fri, working brunch at a bar every other Sunday, Ubering and doing Ubereats. Lots and lots of hours and the remaining hours of my life spent stressed-stressed and trying to figure out when to shit, shower, shave, shop and sleep! 

I have been worse at responding to text messages (currently over 100 unread texts [darn it]) and I've hardly checked email except when I'm expecting something to come through; that's proven to be a poor decision: oops!

Just last night I finished backing up my photos to google photos, I had over 1,000 to back-up. Not sure when I last did a back-up but I was still at the zoo when I did. I tend to take a lot of photos. I received a message there are over 13,000 pics to delete from my phone: oh. boy!

I did spend a couple hours last night unsubscribing from junk emails, deleting emails, responding to emails and sending out a few emails I just hadn't gotten to. I am down to just over 600 unread (or otherwise unattended to) emails from about 1500 unread. 

The goal this weekend is to whittle down unopened/un-responded to texts: I love the reactions from folks when I just casually respond to a text from weeks prior as if three weeks hasn't passed. I also appreciate that my friends tolerate this from me and know that my intentions are good and if they really need me all they have to do is say it and I'll hop to.

A few things I have gotten to since bars and restaurants were first shut down: 
*I have organized all my plastic food storage containers: tops with bottoms, all stacked in a lovely manner and all nicely stored. I also have dozens of containers with lids I do not need and will not use and I cannot wait until this weird-o pandemic time is over so I can get these out of my life and donated somewhere (unless you need some: let me know!). All matched up containers, I just have too many and my heart won't let me throw them away!

*I have sorted through, organized, packed-up, delivered and have had picked up most of the pet supplies I had on-hand. I have maintained an often times overwhelming amount of these donated supplies: mostly food and treat donations but also a significant volume of toys and collars/leashes, grooming supplies, pet clothes and other random tidbits. Given I am not hosting the large, spring fundraiser (unrelated to the pandemic) and the fact that stores have been curbside pick-up for weeks now and therefore there are no donations to pick-up I figured now was as good a time as any to unload and hang up my hat in this arena. I was planning on continuing to contribute to the rescue community in this capacity until this fall (September 2020 puts me 20 years off and on [mostly on] volunteering/working in rescue in my community) but seems like a good time to stop now and then I'll be exiting the rescue community altogether (or as much as is possible considering how intertwined this is with my life). I have one project up my sleeve that was in process before COVID19 hit, hopefully this project can still come to fruition this fall: we shall see. 
  
*I have sorted through almost all my clothes bins and pulled out items for donation, items for resale (God I hope The Designer Consignor survives this shut down and reopens!) and items to be recycled, did you know that Savers recycles textiles? I make separate bags of clothes that are just dead: too old, too torn, too worn, etc. and leave them in the donation bins with a "to be recycled" note attached. I need to research whether or not they recycle shoes: if they do that's awesome, if they don't I need to find a place to send dead shoes. I hope I can collect shoes from family and friends and send a few good sized boxes/year to be recycled/upcycled.

*I have re-potted a couple of plants, have potted some self-propagated plants. I have two more to attend to but don't have appropriate vessels so they will have to wait until non-essential shopping can be done again responsibly. 

*I have gotten all caught up on the recycling in my life. Sounds weird but my apartment tends to be full of recycling to be attended to in some fashion: items drying, cans to be crushed, cans with labels to be removed (you can take the labels to the city service garage and add to their shredded paper recycling 😁), plastic/glass recycling to be taken to the service garage and paper/cardboard recycling to take to donation bins, etc. I have eight (yes, eight!) recycling containers in my apartment: a box for paper/cardboard, a box to go to the city, a garbage can for aluminum cans and one for steel cans. I have small bathroom sized garbage cans for aluminum lids (I keep them separate because the way the scrap yard I use contains cans to be recycled leads to these things flying all over if they're not bagged separately) and steel lids (see previous reason) and one for random steel/other metal recycling and a small container for copper for when I have some. Being caught up with recycling is HUGE, I just need the scrap yard to reopen so I can clear out everything I have in my storage unit (It's taking over!). 

*Just tonight (hours and hours after I started this post!) I finished adding pics to an album for a farewell party for my friend Brigid before she moved to Tahoe in October 2018 and actually shared it with her. I also spent hours uploading pics (172 officially!) from my friend Jamie's wedding this past October. Sure, this wouldn't have taken quite as much time if I hadn't accidentally clicked "add to library" and had to spend an hour sorting/deleting pics from my phone, google photos library and the wedding album on google! I have effectively deleted 400 pictures from my phone tonight! Just shy of 13,000 more to sort through 👌 

*I feel like there's something I'm not remembering..it's been a long, exhausting, stress-filled three-ish months. 

Those are my random thoughts for today. 
I hope you are well, stay well and strive for happiness always.
Leah

Food storage container organization success pics below: for no good reason!

#projects #life #choices #recycle #storage #tasks #todo #todolists #email #text #sort #delete #donations #rescue #pictures #albums #sharing #plants #clothes  

New Post 2020

It's been so much longer than I realized since I last visited here. 

Looking back on previous posts and pending blogs I never posted was a fast blast to the past. 

Sad in a lot of ways.

I don't know what prompted me to visit or write today...beware.

We're in the midst of a pandemic here and throughout the entire world. It is a strange and scary time. I continue to walk daily but find myself losing my breath when I walk through the city I have called home since I was seven years old. 

Lakewood, OH will never be the same (like many places in this world). I walk by business after business wondering if they'll survive, knowing that many will not: no matter the dedication of our citizens, the business owners themselves or the help the city is offering in small business loans for rent. The federal government is offering loans too but what so many of these businesses need is a gift. I will never, ever understand bailouts for billion-dollar companies and loans for the little people: never. I am sad because while it is an honor to call so many small business owners 'friend' I know that I will feel their heartache with them when/if the end comes for them. It would be lovely to think they'll all survive but that's foolhardy and I know too many too well to think everyone will be ok.

I tend to look at things in detail lots of time: how far reaching (whether good or bad) situations are. Loss of income for so many businesses means loss of taxes for the city. Loss of income for so many citizens means loss of taxes for the city. Luckily our current, new mayor took the reigns of the city while we held a significant surplus, sad to see that it will be necessary to make the way through so much of it in order to maintain the amazing city services and responses we are used to. It's hard to walk through my city today but I am dedicated to continuing to shop here whenever possible: big or small business. I will spend my dollars here, maybe more than in the past to tell myself I am helping to save her, this city that I love. 

I have friends in the front lines: medical, stores, utilities, etc. I have friends who have lost their jobs: bars, restaurants, drivers and so many friends (thankfully) that have been able to maintain their jobs but work from home or whose hours hours, etc. have been adjusted. I have friends that teach and worry about their school kids, their actual kids. I have friends whose kids are losing out on their senior year in high school and their freshman year in college and my heart aches for them all. It isn't fair and my heart wants to take that pain from you all, I wish this year were ending as you had all hoped and dreamed.

I am worried and sickened by the impact this is having on our environment. There has always been necessary "waste" in many businesses, hospitals and medical are one that I have never begrudged. I wish it wasn't so but it is and it's necessary. Everyone wearing gloves and masks: *sigh*. Sure - it's not hurting you to do so but while the medical personnel are in need: please stop. And stop throwing your gloves and masks "away" in parking lots all over: everywhere.

Also: is it just me or is it sickeningly PATHETIC that hospitals and mayors and governors are begging for donations of hand-made masks: here, in the USA. Forget DPAS and the fact that our idiot in charge neglected to enact it (too little, too late?) until just now - how are we so ass-backwards behind and glaringly unprepared and ignorant to needs of our front line personnel? This is embarrassing, alarming and telling. Also: be prepared to treat the president right or watch your citizens die. In what world do we actually live?  

Since January I have been unfriending folks on FB. Folks I only know by mild association, folks I have only volunteered with or managed as a volunteer coordinator or: on and on generic reasons. I started with 1311 friends on 01/04 and am down to 1058 as of today. It's easier and easier to let go of "friends" and life is easier for each "unfriend" I click. Consider who/what makes your life happy and stop "collecting" friends. We're adults, it's exhausting and life is easier with actual, real friends. 

I quit my big-girl job this year. I was miserable. Literally went to see my PCP because I thought I might be going into early menopause: hot flashes all the time at work. Stomachaches just thinking about going into work. I quit my job with no plan, no money, no savings. I was making it work: pet-sitting, Ubering, working three bar jobs, becoming a crossing guard (which I was really actually enjoying!) and today I accepted a job offer as Manager of Operations and Development for a small non-profit in my community. I was proud of myself for having figured it out for over two-months, was looking forward to potentially lasting all summer with my four or five p/t jobs. I was going to road-trip it to Montana and Charleston: I'm so irritated this pandemic is keeping me from those things and making me get a big girl job again.

I am grateful for what will be 3.5 months "free" of the daily grind. I am grateful for this career opportunity, grateful for all those p/t jobs. I am grateful to the bar I have worked at for over 1.5 years offering the opportunity to work on some projects and keep a few bucks coming in, for sharing fresh produce and for being gracious about it all. So glad I am friends with their manager looking for "one night a week" coverage way back when - hard to fill but that's all I needed and these folks have become my family. I am grateful for the time to try and manage some projects: from little to big: food storage containers to deep cleaning to storage unit organizations. 

I was doing a good job of staying away from social media so much before this whole pandemic madness hit: now social media is (again) a gift in a lot of ways. Also: too.much.pandemic.coverage. Maybe I'll just blog again: who knows. I was never that dedicated before but I always enjoyed it. 

This is the end of this today. I wanted to post some picture but didn't know what to share. I share this picture of my beautiful friend Lauren. The last post before today was the day she died; I let grammar and spelling leave me in order to post from the soul. Beauty and tragedy and warm memories all wrapped in one. So much impact and inference for the future, much like where we are today. 

To life, to friends, tragedy and the unknown: may we all be better for experiencing it together.

Love, 
Leah

Lauren M. DiCesare
11-16-75 - 11-12-14