Random Thoughts...Right Now

People are strange.

In my every day life I see so many folks that are happy, good people...then the spectrum shifts to ungrateful, grumpy and often hostile (though they try to hide it) to just "blah" people (both of the latter set might too be "good people" but sometimes folks make it so hard to see...). Listen - I hate my job, I loathe a bunch of folks I have to work with but, you know what? I literally whistle when I work, I sing, I laugh...because I have a job and benefits and because life is so much easier when you choose to be happy. That's right folks...you can choose to be happy in the face of strife and the SOB that can be life. Many folks that know me don't know my "battles", my demons, my true past. It is far from sunshine and daydreams but you know what? Happiness is better: choose it.

I have friends on the far left, the far right and right where I am: vote with your dollars people: money rules. Sadly I believe that no matter where the country goes with our next presidential race, nothing will really change...nothing will truly get better (I've said it before, I'll say it again - don't gripe at me: I always vote!).

I am an educated woman (I have a Master's degree) yet it is beyond my comprehension why it's such an absurd idea that people in the highest tax bracket pay the same percentage of taxes as those in the middle to low tax ranges...forget the dollars people - we're talking percentages. It's not punishment to pay more - it's just fair. Why do the folks with the most money often get to pay a lower percentage? Why do folks who make the least often pay a higher percentage? Here's the bottom line - our country would crumble to the ground without the folks in the middle to lower tax brackets: that's a personal guarantee. 

And before you bitch at me here (I control the comments btw ;) or on FB, know that politics is too far a complex issue to discuss here so, let's not, 'kay?

Why do folks who make the most, real-world difference get paid the least? I'm talking cops, EMTs, firefighters, nurses, teachers, folks who work for non-profits (and that's to benefit humans...including disabled, children, elderly OR our furry friends) etc.- why is there no money in providing salvation? Don't get me wrong...I "get": it - I know where the money is, I know how it works, I just don't get it...

Why don't people do simple things like recycle, turn lights off when they leave a room , carpool, use mass-transit, walk or bicycle whenever possible?

I want a dog (and a pig and elephant and dolphin and chipmunk and a million other cute, fuzzy animals) but you know what? I can't actually provide them with appropriate, happy lives so, I choose not to have them at this time. Do the same. If you can't actually provide a good life for an animal, leave it for someone else...PLEASE! Know that animals get sick (I pay about $100/mo for my kidney failure kitty), animals need regular, medical check-ups, vaccinations and a lot of times they need special diets, prescription foods and meds. If you're living paycheck to paycheck a pet is not for you.

Once in a while: shut-up. Seriously...listen to the world, really listen to your friends, enjoy silence. Shut-up (I say this after my throat got dry from talking so much tonight! ha!).

Stop bitching...(see far above, see right above). I'm not saying to live in silence with your misery or suggesting you shouldn't be bitching to your friends about what needs to be griped about but seriously...at least occasionally, be grateful.

Why can't we all have beautiful singing voices?

Thank the world for folks with beautiful singing voices...it's amazing how music can move folks.

Why do people who claim to "love animals" eat them? Being vegan for almost 8 years I truly struggle with this. If you love cats and dogs but eat cows and pigs and chickens and turkeys and fish and lamb (or even some of them) etc. - you don't love animals (even if you "love" how some of them taste [smart-ass]) - you love cats and dogs. Don't say you're an animal lover when you're truly not, 'kay? Here's another snippet - I very rarely bitch about people about what they eat but, it's my damn blog so...

I wish more folks could grow their own food.

I wish my dad could catch a break...once in his life, a real break. Not many folks know how it makes my heart sing to help him out when I can/do. No one I know could weather the storm of a life like his without breaking - there is no one quite like my father: no one.

You know what? Gay people are just people...just folks. I heard some ignorant comments recently about "them" marching and "getting in peoples' faces" and their "parades" etc. You know why they march? Remember a set of folks in our society called blacks? Yeah...they marched too - because they were stripped of basic, human liberties - to live and love freely. Look at us now. Look at civil rights photos and replace black folks with gay folks...same difference in a lot of respects...folks just trying to live and love as they choose. And that's all I have to say about that (right now).

I'm glad I live in a community where I can walk or bike to so many favorite places so easily.

I love that just about every day I get to see a friend or two...that's literal and makes me so, so happy.

I buy my friend's bad dog (shut-it JS - I heart him) shortbread cookies from Starbucks more often than I should.

I love thunder and lightening and storms in general and really wish I had a porch sometimes.

Someday I hope to find love and get married again...I really do (not that the first marriage had anything to do with love...). 

I know far too many "kids" that live at home at 20/30 something that are working, and/or not in school and/or aren't trying hard enough: you know what? GET OUT! Do yourselves and your parents/families a freakin' favor and move...Parents - kick 'em out! I was booted at 18 via an eviction letter from my dad (yes - still have the letter and yes, the dad I adore so much) and I lived paycheck to paycheck and on credit cards and on ramen noodles and mac and cheese and went up to debt to my eyeballs...and then I busted my back while working full-time (and sometimes part-time along with it) and going to school part to full time and still managed to volunteer and I saved and scrimped and I paid off all of my debts (think $20k+ people). I didn't file bankruptcy (not that sometimes that isn't totally warranted), I didn't default and settle my debts - I paid them off...just like I'm paying off $75k in student loans. It stinks now but someday I hope it gives me a life more in-line with were I want to be. Bottom line: I am more responsible and more grateful for all that I have than anyone whose been given the bulk of what they have (including a roof over their heads when they should have moved on!).

OK - I have to start getting ready for bed, it's 11:30 and I walk 3.75 miles starting at 5:30am!

Good night people...look at your life in a new light and be happy. Choose to be happy.

Stolen Bike = Stomped on Spirit

Everyone that knows me knows that I love to ride my bike. I average about 600 miles/year on it. As soon as the weather is ready to break my bike goes in for a tune-up (always take extra-special care of my bike!) so I’m ready to go!

Over the 6+ years I have had my (nice) bike I have spent time and money decking it out a little: added a kickstand, a water bottle holder, a saddlebag rack, nice electric lights, a decent Cat Eye, $100+ metal pedals (one side allows you to “clip in”) and I always lock my bike wherever I go (we go a lot of places together!).

I ride my bike for stress relief, for fun, to be “green”. I run errands, ride to dinner or the farmers’ market and visit friends all via my bike. I’ve ridden way out to my parents house (and back), to the beach, on Critical Mass rides and a million other places.

Last night I rode it to Target near my house and locked it up. I walked in at exactly 7:20 and my register receipt was stamped 7:37. By the time I got outside, someone had stolen my (locked up) bike.

I felt a bit like I had been kicked in the stomach. I was stunned…stupefied actually. I went in and spoke with security and called the police. The police came and took my report. They were actually awesome; took this seriously: drove around looking, alerted area police departments, were kind, respectful and sympathetic.

My neighbor (and friend) came and got me to take me home (we stopped so I could have a drink first!) and I called the police with the serial# for my bike.

I’m so stunned by this. You hear so much about karma and what goes around comes around and how doing good brings good to you.

Well: I am pretty good. I am generous with both my time and my money. I donate as much as I can to charities, I have helped many a person in need financially (to the point that right now I am paying on a loan I took out a couple years ago to help someone else out. Not the smartest thing: sure; but, I was able to do it and come through and help in a time of need so I did. I’d do it again.). I volunteer a lot (not a week goes by that I don’t volunteer at least a little), I am an active community member. I feel like I am undeserving of such a jerky move by someone.

But when you start to get down in the dumps, the dumps really come…and I start reflecting on my short comings and the mistakes I have made and unkindness I have been guilty of and I think: why not happen to me? Maybe I do deserve to be the victim of a jerky move.

But I know life can’t be lived that way. I know far worse things happen to far better people. I know that I’m not perfect and I have never strived to be. So I guess I’m just going with the whole: “shit happens” mindset. I’m going to keep being flawed but keep doing good and always strive to be good and kind and generous.

I am not going to be a Debbie-Downer about this. It sucks – for real, but I am lucky enough to be in a position where I can replace my bike. I’d rather spend that money on other things (or charities) but I am so, so lucky to be in the position that I am. I am not a single mom of two whose only mode of transportation is a bicycle and that’s part of what chaps my ass: the person who stole my bike had no regard for what they were doing to the person who worked so hard to have that bike (and anyone who knows me would tell you: I’d gladly give to help someone if they were truly so in need and in such a bad situation that they needed to steal. I’m betting this person wasn’t doing anything but being a jerk though). For a split second I knee-jerked the thought: “Why do I even bother? Why do I try to help people/society/the planet etc. if something like this is going to happen?” and then I realize that it’s because I truly enjoy helping people and furry people and the planet: it’s what feeds my soul.

So…I will get a new bike. I don’t know if I’ll replace it with an identical bike and all the goodies or if I’ll try something new. Either way I am grateful to be able to do it, sorry that I have to but I won’t miss out on bike riding this season.

Oh, by the way: please don’t be a jerk and steal stuff, ‘kay?
Thanks a lot.

Random Thoughts for Today (Tuesday June 5, 2012):

1. Once again: cannot believe how long it's been since I've made a blog entry: I wish I blogged more...
2. For all of its' faults...I love my city (Lakewood, OH)
3. I walk (on average) 15 miles/week
4. I am so excited that biking season is upon us
5. I wish I had a house...but only so I could have a garden and a dog. In order to alleviate these wants I funded awesome raised beds at my parents and the gardening there is going to be amazing this year...and I volunteer helping dogs (and cats) so I get my "dog-fix" (I don't really want a house when it comes down to it)
6. My underwear was on inside out all day today
7. I start laser tattoo removal again at this end of this month: ouch
8. A lot of people suck...but there are more good people than bad out there: I just know it
9. Volunteering is in my blood and is part of my basic make-up
10. In talking with someone recently I realized I have been vegan for 7 years (not without a few [minimal] mis-steps along the way)
11. People should help each other more
12. Nothing in politics is really going to change: ever (and lets be honest people: the government [local, state, national] sucks overall). I vote: so leave me alone but, I truly believe we'll never see a real overhaul or radical change in our government and that is truly sad. BTW - you better vote too!
13. I don't understand why people fight over politics (see above). I love a healthy debate (over anything) but I would never risk losing a friendship over it.
14. Striving for perfection will make you crazy (and obnoxious); you're closer to perfect when you realize flaws can be beautiful and build character...
15. People who can't afford to have pets shouldn't get them
16. If you pull too far into an intersection/crosswalk and don't move your hiney out of the way of a walker/biker your car deserves to be spit on and your hood smacked
17. I am ready to get my body back...injury: better, the last of that nasty prednisone should exiting my system (c'mon!), I'm spinning twice/week, walking, walking, walking, gym 2-3x/week : somethings gotta give!
18. Why do people idolize celebrities and professional athletes?
19. I tried a smart phone and I hated it so it was returned. I don't have the time, energy or desire to spend trying to make spending $30/mo on a smart phone worth it
20. Parents should not have to bury their children
21. I never: ever share any true fears with anyone
22. I never: ever share my deepest thoughts, concerns or problems with anyone: ever...and I have so, so many great, great friends. I've never been burned because of sharing and I don't think it makes people weak but none of you: no one: anywhere knows my deepest fears, thoughts, misgivings, anxieties etc. - and likely that will never change - I'm weird like that
23. I found a small rubber chicken on a walk this past weekend, I took it home, washed it and now it's in my purse: I have no idea why
24. If everyone, everywhere gave $5 to a favorite local charity every month we could probably change the world
25. I have never, ever wanted children
26. I would love to own my own business some day but I have no idea what I'd do (ok - I have some thoughts but they wouldn't pay the bills)
27. I want to be a published author someday but because of #21 and #22 above I hold back - very, very few people have "seen my stuff"! That's where some more truth about me comes through (all of my writing is in a fire safe box, under lock and key and hidden! ha!)
28. I have the best dad: ever
29. I don't understand why everyone isn't worrying about or researching  where their food comes from and the underlying issues surrounding so much of where we eat, how we eat, what we eat (well: not me!)
30. I have never had cable in my life and cannot fathom a day where I spend $$ for television or radio
31. Glad that generally speaking: life is great.

Good night people.

Holy Hell

It has been almost a year since I posted: how'd that happen?

Well...Let me tell you!

Spring 2011 I was going to school FT which included a 9hr/week practicum, I was working FT, took my comprehensive exam for my Master's, ran a 1/2 marathon with my little sister (that I basically trained for in less than 10hrs), I chaired the committee for a big fundraiser for one of the groups I volunteer with, my maternal grandmother died (on her 96th birthday no less), graduated, threw myself a graduation party (woo-hoo!) and still maintained board positions with two local charities...phew!

For the record I also ate, slept, shopped, cleaned, had fun, visited with friends and did other stuff!

Ha! I like to be busy...idle hands as they say!!

I hope to return to blogging soon so I can finally gripe! ha!

Here's the start:

Occupy Wall Street? Um...go home! Occupy a chair in front of a computer and realize you standing on WS is doing nothing except wasting taxpayer money. Get yourself educated and realize that $$ speaks. Research where your $$ is (banks, retirement etc.), research where you spend your $$ (Wal-Mart shopper much? hit up McDs for a coffee?) - your $$ and where you spend it has a much louder voice than you occupying WS and even more so than your vote I dare say - figure it out! Spend and save/place your $$ responsibly...that's how you hit the "1%" - jackasses (sorry - I'm supposedly in the 99% but let me tell you...I know $$ speaks and I have for a long, long time. I don't ever go to corporate bull-shit restaurants, I don't shop at Wal-Mart, I don't shop at Giant Eagle, I don't buy animal products [any], I don't support companies that make bleach and are all of a sudden 'going green" because it's trendy, I don't buy organics from companies that do it for income/pr purposes only.)
I take meds only when 110% necessary - get off drugs! Suck it up, get healthy and shut up about your migraines (had 'em), your restless leg syndrome and your flippin' anxiety (everyone has it: zip it on yours and deal...just like I deal with mine [and don't think because I don't have kids or a house I don't have issues....if you think that you know nothing about how I grew up, the responsibility I feel for helping others and who I actually in part support now] thing is - I don't let every-freakin'-thing, person, situation and circumstance overwhelm me: get some freakin' coping skills kids!) and your stupid muscle aches and "inflammation" - seriously...don't talk to me about pain. I was recently at a chronic level 8-9 of 10 pain level due to a re-herniation of a disk in my neck. I never missed work, I didn't miss meetings, I didn't take the offered sedation for the procedure (which is hugely painful), I sucked it up and did what was required and I moved on: try it!

Stop littering, stop making citizens and 1/2 bankrupt cities pay for extra police patrols (whether they're acting appropriately or not...) and just learn how to actually make a difference.

Oh - and don't pick a frickin' Saturday to change all your bank accounts to local banks and credit unions (which I'm all for) and overwhlem these folks...AND not realize what a process this is: doesn't happen in a day...unless you don't actually have any $$ and don't actually pay your bills: p.s. a lot of them are closed on Saturdays!

See - I am part of the 99%. I have about $75k in student loans right now. I own my 2003 Honda Civic, spent years to pay down nearly $25k in cc and other debt (marriage, divorce, being frickin' broke forever, financial assistance I offered others) but I've managed to wrangle and maintain a good job (over 15yrs now: think I don't want another job? think I went through all the schooling to have the same job today that I had 15 yrs ago? no - but I'm also not giving up proper employment and support until I have something else in place...) and I pay my bills, I take care of my 15+ yr old cat who has kidney failure and I still allocate funds every month to helps others.

OMG - I'd say don't get me started but...there I went! ha!

Gotta remember to blog more often!
p.s. I vote as a democrat so please try and refrain from giving me some demcratic, bull-shit line about Occupy WS ('kay?) - oh, also, I voted 'NO' on 2 (OHSB5) - but I do believe in pay for performance (don't get me wrong: my dad is union, three of my uncles are and I have no less than 15 friends/family members I can rattle off that are teachers and/or principles etc.): woo-hoo - just figured out my next blog rant!! hehe!

Holidays 2010

Dear Family and Friends
I write this letter: happy, healthy and wise (getting wiser every day I hope!) to you in the hopes of sharing some of my thoughts, feelings, expectations and wants.
I think I’m really lucky…and then I think I’m not. I, like many of you have busted my ass to be where I am today, and I am in a good place. I have a reliable job that pays well and offers lovely benefits. I am able to obtain an education that so many are not (of course, at the expense of student loans and mad-crazy schedules!) and I know that this is a true gift. I think that too many people don’t realize how good they’ve got it – even if it doesn’t seem all that great sometimes…and then I remember all the folks I know that have worked as hard or much harder than me: (my dad! for one) and I realize, there is a bit of luck in all of this. I’m lucky enough to be able to continue to work hard every day when some are not and I am so appreciative of that.
I feel honored to be in a position to help others. I have this ache in my heart that I cannot help everyone, that I cannot fix the world but, I do what I can (and sometimes more) and I feel like I must learn satisfaction in that and throw away the pain that is not being able to do it all…and then I don’t throw it away. I re-visit this pain when I want to feel down or trampled on or blue and I realize that the pain works. I feel so much gratitude to be surrounded by like-minded folks and to have made so many good friends in the name of giving to others: I cherish you all and am thankful to have made your acquaintance and to have you as a part of my family.
I expect things in life. I expect that hard work and dedication and giving and education and kindness and calmness will make a difference in this world. I expect it and am always so sad when it isn’t “just-so”. But this helps me continue in my ways…I expect that one day, I and my family and friends and others like us will change the world…and that we are doing so now by being kind and generous and expecting others to be and do so just the same.
I want better things…for my family, my friends and the folks I meet in unusually difficult circumstances. I want a world that is more fair and just and kind. I want people to have shelter and food and clothing and to receive appropriate medical attention. I want our government to get their shit together and help those who need it, help this planet, help our furry friends and to appropriately punish those who choose not to partake in a world of giving and kindness.
I think a lot…(obviously!) and challenge you to do the same – how can you help? how can you make a difference today? I feel compassion and heartache for my fellow man and I want you to too. I expect you to do good for you and yours…and your neighbors in need; it’s what keeps us human. Lastly, I want you all to feel the warmth of the holiday season, whatever it may mean to you: spiritually, religiously or otherwise – to be to be kind, to be generous, to be grateful.

Happiest of holidays to you and yours!
I appreciate all that you are and all that you do and give.

Much Love
Leah

More Stuffs!

My garden is finally starting to take off:

I forgot to take pics of my first few baskets of goodies: tomato berries and beans gallore! I also couldn't help but pull one beet...'cause I love 'em and well, I HAD to! My kitties were very interested as you can see!

Beans! (Had to fence 'em in - they were getting crazy!)


Cuccumbers - holy-moly there are a lot of flowers...looking forward to the fruit! Just started training 'em 'up' today.


Beets! Love!


Zucchini!


Canteloupe!






Rebound checking it out:






My First beet (albeit a baby!) I couldn't help myself!


Phoenix checking it out:






And then there's Rebound...sometimes I can't help but focus on the fact that he may die any day now. I continue with prescription meds, powder and food and he seems fine. I am trying to be very aware of how's he's doing so I'm not keeping him alive for me...I want to weigh the quality vs. quantity of life with him, he deserves it...he's wonderful. Sometimes I just lay on the floor with him and cry...









And I wonder how Phoenix will be when Rebound is gone...they basically hate each other but I see her in sneaking moments enjoy him cleaning her head and playing...she has never been an "only" cat...



She's the blur...








And so I watch my garden grow and am stuck on the fact that one of my wonderful cats is dying and that so many other things: struggles and worries and my-god can't people catch a damn break: EVER are going on...and so must I...go on and continue to care about those I love...and I will.

Misc Items

So - my leg is finally way, way better (thank the gods!) - it's still painful at times and is actually stll visibly bruised - ortho said I have bone contusions; take about 6-8 weeks to heal...almost there!

My intense 6-week session at school finally ended too. Seemed that's all I was doing the last two weeks solid. Nothing very difficult...except finding the time to do everything!

My garden is doing so/so. After I put my starter plants in the ground (on Father's Day) - I kind of didn't make it back for like 9 days and you can tell! It wasn't just my absence though (friends helped me out with some watering) - the plants where I normally go weren't all that great looking this year...

Went back yesterday and got a few plants to add to the mix, spent hours cleaning in/around my plots, planting and watering and so things are looking better!


peppers! lots - i thing about 8 or 9 varieties!


strawberries!


****my plot - all from seed, less a little cypress plant that's been dying in my apartment and a fantastic tomato berry plant the garden center gave me for feeling bad about some on my other stuff not doing so well!


**cypress - is it dead or is it alive?


new tomato berry plant!




**and, what the heck is this? never seen a bug like this before...hmm: anyone know?