My friend died today

We were eleven when we first met. She had these big, beautiful breasts and we all wanted to hate her for them...except she was beautiful and kind and her dimples went on for miles.

So she became our friend.

These are some of my random memories of my dear friend...we were little then:

bike rides through the MetroParks. I know exactly where we hid our bikes and wandered off to sun on the rocks. I have this one picture that takes my breath away from then...

We pierced each other's ears. Mine hers and her mine, We were stupid.

Her then step dad introduced us to egg-drop soup: Campbell Noodles chicken soup with an egg cooked into it: who knew!

She gave me a button down FORENZA shirt that i still wear to bed to this day.

she gave me a blue silk nightgown i somehow lost track of over the years

we used to listen to U2 ALL.THE.TIME. (and sometimes REM). Bullet the Blue Sky, Helter Skelter, Where the Streets Have No Name, With or Without you...we listed to these songs (and more) for hours.

We used to read the exact same books at the exact same time. mostly Stephen King and Anne Rice. we'd get so excited and so lost in the story. The Talisman will forever hold a place in my heart...we'd jump up and down on our beds so excited to talk about where the book was going!

I'd rub her back and she'd rub mine...for hours,

I watched my beautiful friend bear a child. I fought the battle of mental illness and drug and alcohol with her and, as is life, i lost track of her along the way.

there are 100 million more stories but today i focus on what i have to give, now.

seriously. 10+ years since we last knew her, she fell into our laps. I played big girl and called her last Thrs (less than a week ago) and talked with her. I went this past Saturday with my lifelong friend's mom (I could not go alone), I hugged her, kissed, her, told her i loved her.

I made plans with my parents to see her this Saturday and hopefully start reading to her,

it's so weird that life goes on but, it does.

today i remember my friend and all of the secrets and hiding places and everything else we had...including our fistfight.

i love you friend. i am overwhelmed with memory and emotion. i miss you, i just re-visited your message to remain poetic. i lost way some but will come back around.

poetry is not hard when you're surrounded by such beauty.

you are missed. i am sorry we missed out on so may years.
i am  sorry cancer killed you.
know that you were sought after and loved, always.

Good-bye Lauren
I love you forever.
Leah

There's a racist amongst us

It's one of those things you try to ignore, because believing it is true is too hard.

Comments like "monkey" talking about black sports players. Hints and tips here and there that someone "in your circle" might actually be racist. A real, hate-mongering racist. 

Because of their stance in your life there's not a whole lot you say or do.

Until they say words like "Nigger" and "Spics" and "A-Rabs" (emphasis on the "A").

It actually makes you feel like you're in the twilight zone when it hits you that this person might actually be a racist. And then, they just declare it. They just out and out say: "I'm a racist." 

And...wait, what?! Did that just happen? 
And it did...

So, all you can do is leave. 

There's no arguing with ignorance. 
You strap on your strength to not try and fight with ignorance and you leave.

And then you're eternally sad. 

Sad for the influence this person has on people in your life. 
Sad for this person for being so smart and so ignorant. 
Sad over the worry they might teach hate and racism to a future generation. 

And you realize, sadly that your relationship with several people just changed forever.

There's no time for ignorance and hate today. There just isn't.

Happy New Year 2014

It’s another new year…and I’ll take it!

So, in the tune of well-wishing and good luck wishes for the New Year:

First, what I do not wish:

I do not wish for you a perfect life…I like you more than that!

I wish for you happiness and gratefulness and perspective.

For all of these wishes to come true; I wish for you a life and a world that offers enough trials and tribulations to keep you honest and true and hard-working and grateful.

I wish for you a kind heart so you help strangers…be it folks who need a meal, animals who need a foster home or a family member or friend (or any relationship) that needs a little more understanding and possibly a bit of forgiveness.

I wish for you patience as you realize the steps mentioned before often don’t happen just the way we want. Be patient and keep trying.

I wish for you income and a home and a way to feed, bathe and clothe yourself and yours. I wish for you true appreciation of the SO much more so many of us are lucky to have, above and beyond these few treasures mentioned here.

I wish for you an appreciation of a life without drama. I wish for you the strength to drive those from your life that bring drama to your doorstep. Be that strong. Drama thrives on attention; give it none.

I wish for you the time you need to remain calm when life throws a wrench your way. I wish for you the ability to breathe, focus and know that in the end, it will be ok.

I wish for you a relationship/partnership/marriage (or whatever it is that you want) that makes you happy. Not one that fills the day, not one that you just happen to be used to, not one that is easier to stay in than get away from so now you’re stuck. I wish you a partner that makes you truly happy and a life and circumstance with your partner that makes your truly happy.

I wish for you the time and inclination to reflect on the above and make appropriate changes in your life if you need to; I really do.

I wish for you so many little things:

Happy days, warm sunshine, laughter that makes your face hurt and your belly ache, walks with pooches, kitten purrs, beach-glass hunting.  

A brisk walk in a blowing snow, a good glass of wine in front of a roaring fire and toes nestled in fresh grass or sand on a beach.

A bird, with giant wings floating on the sky that you just happen to catch a glimpse of.

At least a couple times where you can sleep in.

Drinks with friends when you need them: good coffee, warm tea or a ton of booze: whatever the situation calls for!

A good meal – one you prepare for others and ones that get prepared for you.

A good book to read, music you can dance to and the ability to enjoy both.

I wish so many wonderful things for all of us.

I don’t believe in resolutions but I enjoy the freshness of a new year and the hope that since the year is new, it holds promise for us all.

My last wish is that you realize what promise lies within you and that now; above any other time, now is the time to grab hold, bust loose, hunker down or kick-ass…whatever it takes to make this the very best life for you.

Cheers friends.